I remember feeling small, not just in the sense of being young, but shrinking away from any form of what I perceived to be seen in the limelight. I remember being called shy as a child, a label which reinforced these introverted feelings, lacking confidence to show who I was. With no real sense of authentic self, it was confusing figuring out who I was, what I liked and who I wanted to be, rather than being able to accept just me. Standing back, I can see these are all external cues that I was to base my internal world on, gathering momentum to what I can now identify as beliefs based on conditioning, at times leading to low self esteem and self worth.
As children, we know that our individual experiences impact, form and shape the person we become. However, we are not always aware that there is another side to personal development; choice. We always have a choice. Even in the most desperate of times, options are present. Furthermore, we can change almost any aspect of ourselves, our lives and human experience if we really embrace life for what it offers us. A realisation that has been most supportive in my own path of healing and transformation. Learning to identify feelings of low self worth and self esteem, seeing where they come from and understanding how they have formed has enabled me to begin healing these wounds with my inner child and choose a new set of beliefs that are not limiting.
How much does creativity impact our lives?
Creativity holds the key to authentic expression. As a child I remember the feeling of wanting to be seen and heard, yet also feeling insecure when attention was directly on me. That feeling of being in a spotlight, where others are appreciating and supporting you for who you are, yet something within us rejects that. A shadow side to creativity is self judgement, doubt and low self worth. It smoulders authenticity. So does pleasing others, wanting to meet others expectations and trying to fit in with other peers, being liked, and being accepted by all those around us.
I loved to dance. Still do! I loved the feeling of freely expressing what my body felt moved to. It was another story when I attended dance classes, and felt pressure to perform, be perfect, in front of the teacher and other students. I was trying to fit a mould. Similarly, I enjoyed drama at school, I was in plays, enjoyed hearing my voice on stage with others, and yet, there was also another voice, inside. It cast doubt on my abilities, saw it as a bad thing to be too much on show, others might think me a show-off and so on. My inner critic was revealing insecurities based on beliefs that creativity is something measurable, containable, tamable.
Becoming conscious of and paying attention to my beliefs, I saw how they were limiting me from true expansion. Even in times of creative expression I could feel a sense of awareness keeping myself in check not to go overboard. Embracing the shadow side of creativity, I have learned, through re-parenting with my inner child, that I am able to change these beliefs, rewrite them to one’s that allow for flourishment. Raising confidence, boosting self worth and self esteem, I witness and celebrate the woman I am becoming; one with unique talents and gifts to share with the world. Step by step I empower myself to make choices that my inner child could not; instead, we make them together.
Explore your own creative expression
She still loves to dance, however, she found her own rhythm and expression. She still loves to share movement with others, however she is finding a comfortable space to express herself in a natural way; through her own dedicated practice of yoga, she enjoys sharing yoga guiding and supporting others. In terms of expressing her voice, she took singing lessons and found a voice she didn’t believe was inside her. She loves to drum, anything with rhythm that makes her very core shake and shine.
All our gifts are within us, we just need some focused attention, self love and compassion to discover them. Opening ourselves up to the possibility that beliefs are tangible, they need updating, upgrading and some getting rid of and replacing with better self-serving and deserving ones. This cycle positively reinforces self worth and self esteem, gradually enabling our whole true self to come to the surface; liberated.
