This article is an insight into the relationship you can build with your inner child
As an Inner Child Practitioner I keep a journal of the journey I’ve been on, detailing the growing trusting relationship and the roller-coaster it can sometimes be; having breakthroughs, periods of stagnation, bursts of creativity and play, above all, healing. The relationship requires dedication, trust, persistence and heart-opening. As I remember in my first workshop, I was told it wouldn’t always be easy, but it would be worth it. Standing back to observe this pillar, I am in firm agreement, and so, here I share my first testimonial from my own inner child work…
Reflecting on the stages through which I have traversed so far with my inner child, it has helped me gain perspective and recognise great value in the practice I am cultivating daily. I remember an intuitive resonance when I first reached out in the workshop to connect with my inner child; she was present, attentive, carrying an innocence and light heartedly expressive. I realised I was remembering a connection that had existed previously, but without the same attentional awareness or understanding of what it was; a connection to my authentic self. To be reconnected with your inner child is to experience being child-like again; playful, curious, joyous, loving, creative, spontaneous, healthily carefree.
I made the commitment to check in and be present each day with my inner child until further notice. It became apparent that this was an addition to my core daily practice I could not be without; once the heart space is open and a connection is made, your child needs you and you start to become aware of when she may be trying to get your attention. Although on the surface I could contact her, communicate and do activities with my inner child, I had an underlying sense that she was withholding something(s) from me.
Some days she was silent, acknowledging me, but would not respond when I asked if she needed anything, or told me she was fine. The lesson of being patient and persistent was set in motion. I sat with the knowing sense that she would share with me what it was she wanted to, on her terms, when she was ready. In my other practices I had been bringing trust issues more openly into awareness, to light, and I knew building a loving trusting relationship with myself above all would take time.
One day, a breakthrough came. During a deep meditation one afternoon, a sudden surge of energy was felt throughout my body and my mind witnessed a multitude of episodes from childhood, stretching into my teens and early twenties, quite rapidly in succession and succinctly. My inner child showed me stored emotional pains, and resulting behavioural patterns, that had been suppressed for many years, which were cause of deep pain within. As the adult self witnessing this experience, I felt a release of this pain, physically in my chest and heart space; her deep sadness, abandonment and neglect from these episodes in which I had abandoned her.
A dualistic witnessing was going on; I was seeing and feeling through her felt sense as the child, and as the adult, I was feeling horror as the realisation of the depth of pain present from being exposed to these memories resurfacing in this altered light.
They weren’t repressed memories, they were memories I had previously witnessed and recalled, however it was seemingly as if a veil had been dropped and a perspective shift allowed me to see the truth beneath this previously skewed vision.
Initially, I was distraught. Once recovered from the energetic, emotional release, I sat with my child, hugging her, and I felt this trust layer that we had been hovering over was well and truly broken through. I remember how remarkably resilient she seemed; she was engaged, fully present and at peace. My adult self was the one struggling to come to terms with all the hurt and pain I’d caused her via escaping mechanisms of disassociation and self destructive behaviours. Whilst sitting with her the message was clear; our heart opening bond was allowing for healing through surrender, release, forgiveness and love. It was a humbling lesson of gratitude to be shown my inner strength, wisdom and light; of which my inner child is the embodiment.
Since dropping through this layer, my conviction to remain open and true to her has strengthened. There are times, and always will be, where my adult self is challenged with conditioned behavioural patterns and emotional responses, however with each lesson, increased awareness and dedication to listen to my inner voice and we continue on our path of growing and sharing each day together.
What I’ve come to realise is the importance of meeting your child half-way, removing, or at least bringing an awareness of expectations from the relationship, and then letting them go. This particular episode showed me that breakthroughs can happen anytime, anytime my child chooses, anytime she feels safe to do so.
As the relationship grows in trust, so too do you both; learning together how to go through these episodes. I am learning that these different aspects of my being, my child self and my adult self, are two characters in the same story; they need each other, and they need to work together to let the story unfold. The more I practice tuning in, listening to my child, the more my adult self learns to be the parent, to listen, fulfil the needs of the child and support her through emotionally charged triggers and regressions. Furthermore, my child comes to me to let me know how she is feeling. This feedback lets me know we are in this story together, with many new chapters to come.